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Expression without Protocol

On the spectrum is where I reside.

It’s where I learned what to say…how to act.

Robotic and monotone,

Actions never quite my own,

Repeating myself verbatim with same inflection…an undesired reaction,

Words borrowed from parental scripts.

I sit motionless…expressionless…mostly seen as less than,

Rather than, being treated like the rest and…

I open my mouth to scream, but no sound comes out.

Thoughts racing through my mind,

So much I want to share;

Do I dare?

Peers frown upon,

May even look down on,

Managing to talk down to,

But never getting around to,

Learning who I am.

So, here I am.

Gifted…still somewhat scripted,

Fumbling with choice,

Struggling daily to find my own voice;

Remembering all that I’ve been taught;

Communication’s raught.

Haunted by past transgressions,

Troubling instructions,

Finding my way towards speaking freely,

By way of constantly seeking…

Finally achieving;

Expression with meaning…

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Autism’s Love: Making Connections

I am feeling very proud of myself right now. I’ve been working on my new facebook page Autism’s Love: Making Connections and launched it 4 days ago. My dream is to connect with special needs individuals and communities from around the world. I hope my page will be a fun and informative place to visit and share resources. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get caught up in my own little world, always focusing on the tasks at hand. It’s good to take out time to see what is going on in other parts of the world and to see how others are dealing with their individual special needs. I love learning about different kinds of resources. Diversity is key for me. I’ve always loved learning about people and their cultures and now I’ve created an avenue personally connection to me to do so.

Welcome to my new obsession. 🙂 I hope my new page enlightens and inspires you.

Autism’s Love: Making Connections

In the Land

I wake up in the am hours,

Thoughts flashing in my mind,

Of how mankind has disintegrated,

Mutilated and now demonstrates

The ugliness of being.

Hands of time turn counter clockwise,

Our existing shifting before our eyes,

Old wounds re-opening,

Hope fading,

Civility becoming a thing of the past.

We are told, “We Can,”

Our governing bodies say we can’t.

We vote them in anyway,

Despite what they say.

But operating in hate never pays.

In this land the goal is to destroy us,

Considering a small percentage,

Worthy to represent us.

Not giving a damn about us.

They aim to proclaim power over us,

What just cause do they have for hating us?

Killing us?

They say,

Generations grow weaker and wiser.

Listen…shhhh…listen,

Grievous cries in midnight hours.

Lying in wait as they devour,

Our dreams and passions,

Bullies…cowards!

Where is the wisdom now?

We stand still to watch it happening,

And don’t know what to do.

An agenda once hidden.

The wolf sheds sheep’s clothing,

Exposing…

Laughing at its boldness too.

We are at the center if this tug of war.

No winners to be found,

Casualties left behind.

The freedoms of our time.

Living in excess excluding the rest.

This way of thinking,

Is the reason for living,

In a land no longer giving.

Hi, it’s me…

I called you tonight.

Just to talk.

I wanted to connect with someone.

I know you’re not my mother,

But I thought you could give me love.

I guess you do but…

Not in the way I ask of you.

Though this is the first time I’ve asked of you.

I try to reach out to you.

We manage to connect by faith.

You speak to me about biblical things.

I appreciate that.

But there are times,

When I need you to put your bible aside,

And just listen.

Listen to what I am saying to you.

Can you feel what I’m trying to convey to you?

You tell me that you can say more when you know more.

What more do I need to say to you?

Do I have to spell it out to you?

Perhaps even script it for you?

I ask you to speak to me from your heart.

To please show me your compassion;

A spark of empathy,

A little sympathy.

Your words, they’re not your own.

They’re true, but no warmth is in them.

Again, I asked for your heart,

But you hid it away.

Instead you give me riddles.

For you they’re probably parables.

You feel discomfort now.

The subject has changed.

There’s little else to say.

Sorry to bother you Auntie.

I just called to talk.

You Can’t Hurt Me

“You can’t hurt me…”

What say you?

You speak an untruth.

You are hurt and are sore afraid.

Pain beyond measure…incomprehensible.

Who hurt you?

You vow that no one will hurt you again.

“You can’t hurt me…”

Walls thick.

Enemies surrounding you…

You strike out.

They must be hurt before they hurt you,

Even if it means hurting yourself to hurt them.

But you’re not hurting them.

They can’t see you.

Not the truth of you,

Only a shell of you.

“You can’t hurt me…”

You’re screaming to be heard,

But there is no sound.

They can’t hear you.

They won’t hear you.

Do you understand?

The readers of your words,

Can they see the bigger picture?

Or will they seek to prove you wrong?

Visions of a deeply wounded soul…

Blood drips from your words.

“You can’t hurt me…”

No Words

His Stare

He stares into your eyes.

Searching you…reading you.

Feeling the pulse of you,

Energy surrounding you,

Embracing you.

This is how he makes sense you.

472

He turns away.

Lost in thought.

A gentle presence,

and quiet demeanor,

Strength of inner being,

 Flowing in expression and meaning.

No words are needed.

They…Them…Us…Me

What’s that noise?

What noise?

Nevermind.

Where is it?

Find it!

Here I am.

It must be stopped…

Destroyed.

You want to destroy it?

Find it.

Wait!

There it is…

It?!

Don’t you mean who?

Who?

Yes…

A little girl,

Girl…

Over there.

Where?

There…

I am here.

Can you hear her?

No…

Can’t you hear?

No…

Listen…

NO!!!

We’ll destroy it.

Why?

We loathe it.

Why?

Not perfect.

Tear it apart.

Put it together.

Is she alive?

No…not really.

 

Yes I am.

Look at it!

Hideous, monstrous…grotesque,

A real life Frankenstein.

People will run and scream.

Don’t say that…she’s beautiful.

 

Retched!

Imperfect!

Undesirable…Unforgivably…Useless!

Worthless!

Abomination!

Not good enough.

Not like us.

Send it back.

Back to where?

We don’t care!

 You can have it.

But she’s yours.

We don’t want it.

But she’s here.

No it isn’t.

I’m still here.

We’ll get another.

Let her stay.

It’ll be better.

She’ll be good…I know she will.

We don’t want it.

Mommy…daddy?

In Honor of Mikaela Lynch, Drew Howell, and Owen Black and thier family and loved ones!!!!

Little sparrow stay with me,

Don’t drift away so soon.

I need more time,

Though you must go on,

Stay with me little sparrow stay.

Everything can change in a instant.

You being here with me,

Seeing your smile,

The twinkle in your eyes.

I watch you twirl in the sun.

So many words left unsaid.

So many sights unseen.

I think of what should have been,

Could have been,

And now will never be.

If I had one more chance,

To tell you everything,

I would spare no breath,

Would never rest,

To ensure I get it all in.

So go my precious one,

It is okay.

Our time together at it’s end.

We will meet again.

Until then,

I’ll be listening for your laughter in the wind.

His Eye Is On The Sparrow

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The Rain

Funnel Cloud Storm

Cloudy skies overhead,

Air so thick,

Feel the cool dampness.

It coats my skin.

The winds shift.

Warmth rises and falls.

I close my eyes…

Airy thrashings locked in querulous embrace.

Clouds majestic,

Circling in slow melodic motion

Dark heavy swollen,

They watch me watching them.

The dance quickens.

Circling faster and faster

Arms reach down from the sky.

A grand spectacle.

I am seduced by its power,

Heart racing,

Too captivated to run,

Hauntingly beautiful…magical,

Suddenly,

A touch withdrawn,

The rain begins.

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