On the spectrum is where I reside.
It’s where I learned what to say…how to act.
Robotic and monotone,
Actions never quite my own,
Repeating myself verbatim with same inflection…an undesired reaction,
Words borrowed from parental scripts.
I sit motionless…expressionless…mostly seen as less than,
Rather than, being treated like the rest and…
I open my mouth to scream, but no sound comes out.
Thoughts racing through my mind,
So much I want to share;
Do I dare?
Peers frown upon,
May even look down on,
Managing to talk down to,
But never getting around to,
Learning who I am.
So, here I am.
Gifted…still somewhat scripted,
Fumbling with choice,
Struggling daily to find my own voice;
Remembering all that I’ve been taught;
Haunted by past transgressions,
Finding my way towards speaking freely,
By way of constantly seeking…
Expression with meaning…
Does anyone have trouble teaching their spectrum child how to throw away empty containers when they are done?
About two weeks ago when planning for a shopping trip I neglected to get my son’s goldfish shacks. Well…I could take this as a bad mommy moment, but I am not responsible for my son’s snack cabinet…that is HIS responsibility.
I have tried on several occasions to teach my son to throw away the empties. I’ve even taken measure to walk him through our recycling process so he would know how to properly dispose of empty boxes and such. Of course that was all for not, because he had not yet processed that he should discard the empties to begin with. As it were, my “Good Mama Karma” (my newest catch fraise) offered up the perfect teaching opportunity. Sooo, as any good mama would do…I left the empty right where it stood. Days had gone by and I noticed little signs of mild disharmony. A little red snack bowl left on the kitchen counter…alone and empty. Hmmm, has the child been perusing the kitchen for his favored snack? I checked the cabinet and the empty was still there…just a little shifted. I leave it… A few more days pass and it is time for another trip to the grocery store. This time I ask my son if there is anything he can think of that he wants from the store. We go…he indicates nothing…okaaaaay. Later that night I hear my son growling in the kitchen. He’s had enough…(giggle giggle). Wait…let me translate my son’s growls for you, “What measure of mutiny has befallen me that I am STILL not able to find a reasonable snack to my liking IN…THIS…HOUSE!!!” Well…that’s what it sounded like to me. Opportunity has knocked…loudly. I seized the moment and took great delight in explaining to my son the practicality of disposing of empties once again and even took him through the recycling process in order to paint a complete picture. I think he’s got it this time… I’m gearing up for another shopping trip soon and guess what I found…a properly disposed of empty goldfish container. Bravo kiddo…job well done…
I called you tonight.
Just to talk.
I wanted to connect with someone.
I know you’re not my mother,
But I thought you could give me love.
I guess you do but…
Not in the way I ask of you.
Though this is the first time I’ve asked of you.
I try to reach out to you.
We manage to connect by faith.
You speak to me about biblical things.
I appreciate that.
But there are times,
When I need you to put your bible aside,
And just listen.
Listen to what I am saying to you.
Can you feel what I’m trying to convey to you?
You tell me that you can say more when you know more.
What more do I need to say to you?
Do I have to spell it out to you?
Perhaps even script it for you?
I ask you to speak to me from your heart.
To please show me your compassion;
A spark of empathy,
A little sympathy.
Your words, they’re not your own.
They’re true, but no warmth is in them.
Again, I asked for your heart,
But you hid it away.
Instead you give me riddles.
For you they’re probably parables.
You feel discomfort now.
The subject has changed.
There’s little else to say.
Sorry to bother you Auntie.
I just called to talk.
“You can’t hurt me…”
What say you?
You speak an untruth.
You are hurt and are sore afraid.
Pain beyond measure…incomprehensible.
Who hurt you?
You vow that no one will hurt you again.
“You can’t hurt me…”
Enemies surrounding you…
You strike out.
They must be hurt before they hurt you,
Even if it means hurting yourself to hurt them.
But you’re not hurting them.
They can’t see you.
Not the truth of you,
Only a shell of you.
“You can’t hurt me…”
You’re screaming to be heard,
But there is no sound.
They can’t hear you.
They won’t hear you.
Do you understand?
The readers of your words,
Can they see the bigger picture?
Or will they seek to prove you wrong?
Visions of a deeply wounded soul…
Blood drips from your words.
“You can’t hurt me…”
Hurricane Andrea blew through last week and caused some flooding and wind damage in our general area. Unfortunately I have a building that is located in a flood zone. The rains weren’t too bad, but the street level is low and at its lowest point there was flooding which wreaked havoc for a moment. We had no idea how high the water level would get, so I called the power company to have the power shut off…better safe than sorry…right? I’ll admit the jury may still be out on that one. Not because of any doubt about my decision to make that call, but because the power company made me feel like I was being bullied. I’d been given partial instructions on what to do and then punished for doing what I was told.
I just don’t get it. Why is it that people don’t/won’t/can’t communicate in a way that is clear and concise? Why do they tell only part of the story and cause constant confusion?
I was told that I would need to have the building inspected in order to have the power restored. Not a problem. I called my electrician, had a preliminary inspection done and then made arrangements with the city for an official inspection. I was then told to that the power would be restored within 24 to 48 hours. As far as I could tell, there was no logical reason why it should take more than 24 hours to restore the power…or so it seemed.
After checking in several times and still no power, I decided to contact the power company again to see what the holdup was. There was no major flooding in the area, so there should be no delays. Upon speaking with a representative at the power company, I was informed that my account had been dissolved and I would have to apply for a new account. What sense does that make?! Where’s the logic? Why would a company create such a policy where a perfectly good, paid up account is dissolved because the owner of the account requests the power be cut for safety? Why couldn’t they just reinstate the power under the existing account? It’s not like the power was shut off due to non-payment and even in that, once the bill is paid the power would come back on under that same account…right? So what’s the difference between the power being shut off for non-payment as opposed to being shut off due to an emergency?!
I received a call from the power company wanting to confirm which building needed power. My son and I hopped into the car to race down the road to be present for the reinstatement of the power. Overrun with joy and anticipation I jump out of the car and ask, “How long will it be before the power is back on?” The young man said, “Ma’am, I’m just here to inspect the meter and to see if there is any current going to the building.” Umm, perhaps someone failed to inform this man that the power lines had been cut and there is no electricity going to the building…at all. Well…well, just another useless step in the grand scheme of things. Now I’m told that this man will place a call back to the company to dispatch a crew to reconnect the power. I thought that was what the Inspector was supposed to do…at least that’s what he told me. Nonetheless, a few hours later I received another call from the crew and they reconnected the power lines and all was well.
From the time I called to have the power shut off until the time it took to get the power restored was a total of 6 days. Thanks a lot corporate power company for succeeding in wasting unnecessary time, effort and money…as usual. One would think that you could come up with a more effective way to respond to your customers and a better turn-around-time for completion of services. I guess that would be too much like right, so here we are…trapped. We find ourselves at the mercy of corporate higher ups that spend way too much time on the golf course and are completely clueless as to how the companies they oversee operate.
I tip my locks to you…BRAVO!!!!! (sarcasm)
Bottom line, you just can’t trust what companies tell you. None of their agents ever have the same information. Isn’t there a better way to inform your staff of the company’s policies so they can convey up-to-date information to your patrons? Good grief, did anyone get the memo?
Perhaps more companies should be run by spectrumites like myself. Patrons would never have to worry about the head games these companies play. At the very least we would be sure to properly inform agents and patron of rules and procedures.
He stares into your eyes.
Searching you…reading you.
Feeling the pulse of you,
Energy surrounding you,
This is how he makes sense you.
He turns away.
Lost in thought.
A gentle presence,
and quiet demeanor,
Strength of inner being,
Flowing in expression and meaning.
No words are needed.
What’s that noise?
Where is it?
Here I am.
It must be stopped…
You want to destroy it?
There it is…
Don’t you mean who?
A little girl,
I am here.
Can you hear her?
Can’t you hear?
We’ll destroy it.
We loathe it.
Tear it apart.
Put it together.
Is she alive?
Yes I am.
Look at it!
A real life Frankenstein.
People will run and scream.
Don’t say that…she’s beautiful.
Not good enough.
Not like us.
Send it back.
Back to where?
We don’t care!
You can have it.
But she’s yours.
We don’t want it.
But she’s here.
No it isn’t.
I’m still here.
We’ll get another.
Let her stay.
It’ll be better.
She’ll be good…I know she will.
We don’t want it.
- Angels and Daemons… an argumentative essay on Frankenstein. (nanovellers.wordpress.com)
- Feed My Frankenstein (templeofterror.wordpress.com)
- Who is to blame for the tragedy of Frankenstein. (namdarshafieisentinel.wordpress.com)
- Don’t Let the Apocalypse Stop You From Getting a Great Night’s Sleep (plushbeds.com)
- Reopening the can of worms: knowledge and its dangerous effects (narrativetechnology.wordpress.com)
- The Unknown Frankenstein (dish.andrewsullivan.com)