On the spectrum is where I reside.
It’s where I learned what to say…how to act.
Robotic and monotone,
Actions never quite my own,
Repeating myself verbatim with same inflection…an undesired reaction,
Words borrowed from parental scripts.
I sit motionless…expressionless…mostly seen as less than,
Rather than, being treated like the rest and…
I open my mouth to scream, but no sound comes out.
Thoughts racing through my mind,
So much I want to share;
Do I dare?
Peers frown upon,
May even look down on,
Managing to talk down to,
But never getting around to,
Learning who I am.
So, here I am.
Gifted…still somewhat scripted,
Fumbling with choice,
Struggling daily to find my own voice;
Remembering all that I’ve been taught;
Haunted by past transgressions,
Finding my way towards speaking freely,
By way of constantly seeking…
Expression with meaning…
Sadness and Mourning
Sadness and mourning are one in the same. It is not important why you are sad or for what you mourn as it is all the same.
Is it that time heals all wounds or could it be that wounds help us pass the time?
One does not have to lose anything to feel a sense of mourning. A simple change can provoke this emotion. Once change has been accepted there is an automatic sense of gain. So does it mean that one has to lose to gain or is it by mere acceptance of change that fulfillment has been achieved?
Why do we hold on to these emotions…sadness, shame even taking on blame? What do we stand to gain?
When life feels dark and heavy do not expend your energy carrying the weight of it; let it sink deep into the earth…deeper…deeper.
Rise and leave it there.
- The Empty Chair (prisonprincess.wordpress.com)
- Understanding Mourning (psychologytoday.com)
- Loss. (lisamunro.wordpress.com)
- Images of Ashura mourning rituals from across Iran (payvand.com)
- The Woman’s Mourning Song by Bell Hooks (radicalhope.wordpress.com)
It is in this moment when we think no one is watching.
This moment when all is still.
An old familiar surge occurs,
And we imagine ourselves invisible.
Cloaked in our own illusions.
It is in this moment the truth of our nature is revealed.